Here is an outline of my journey with my first baby, Emma. I breastfed Emma for 25 months.
Week 1 - 2:
I was so nervous about breastfeeding. I have heard how difficult breastfeeding could be but nothing really truly prepares you. The lactation consultant came by shortly after I gave birth and she showed me how to express colostrum. It was an indicator that I did have colostrum for baby which gave me so much relief. It was also so freaky to squeeze my boob like that and see the droplets come out. She provided validation that Emma was latching well and showed signs of taking in the colostrum. It was off to a good start.
However, it didn't last long. We found out that she had jaundice so the pediatrician really pushed us giving her formula because she needed the milk volume to push out the bilirubin. I immediately felt like a failure because all the breastfeeding material says to NEVER give baby formula because it would affect your supply. I immediately had anxiety that our breastfeeding journey was over before it started. Each time we gave her formula I felt like a piece of my soul was dying. My husband fed her formula through a syringe to avoid "nipple confusion". I'm glad he did it because I couldn't bring myself to give it to her myself.
The nurse made comments on how babies sleep much better on formula and won't need to wake up as often hungry. This planted a thought in my mind - how will I know the difference between her being hungry or her starving? I knew you had to feed baby often but what if she's not getting enough and her wanting to nurse was because of her starving? I read about the mom who thought that baby was just really hungry but it turned out that she had no milk and her baby died from starvation a few days later.
The lactation consultant came the second day and got me started on pumping. If baby was taking formula, I needed to pump to stimulate the nipples. So now every time she was drinking formula, my soul died inside to the sound of a pump. The sound of pumping still irks me to this day.
I didn't expect the nipple pain to be so excruciating! It felt so unfair, my vagina was radiating pain and now my nipples too.
Emma cried ALL the time and wanted to be on the boob all the time. This made me a nervous wreak because I was worried she wasn't having enough to eat and I was scared of the latch pain. We hired a lactation consultant to come by our home. She set us up on a routine of nursing baby, 10 min on each side, then giving her formula or expressed breastmilk to top off to make sure she's fed and pump while she's getting her extra bottle. I came to find out that this was called triple feeding and it is insane and exhausting. Around this time, I also got cracked and bloody nipples from the latching. I had to rinse my nipples with saline and apply nipple cream after every breastfeed. So you can imagine, the whole process was exhausting.
Nurse baby through excruciating pain for 10 min on each side (20 min total). Then pump for 20 min. Then rinse with saline and apply nipple cream. The whole thing took about 45 min. Emma was hungry every 2 hours so after we washed pump parts, it was only an hour until I had to start the whole thing again. Very unsustainable.
Week 3:
Everything changed on week 3. I went to my first La Leche League meeting and got a whole slew of information from experienced moms and the LLL leader. The LLL leader gave us all her number and told us to text her at any time, day or night, with any question regarding breastfeeding.
- There they told me what I was doing was triple feeding and how unsustainable it was (I KNOW!!!).
Follow up: I stopped immediately once I got home.
- They told me to get a scale or go to the children's hospital's lactation room to use their scale to see if Emma was transferring milk. She's suppose to take in 2.5 - 3 oz per session.
Follow up: We went the next day and found out that after a 45 min session, Emma was indeed transferring the milk she needed. This gave me the confidence in my supply and to ditch the pumping and supplementation.
- Stop doing 10 min sessions and let her nurse as long as she wants. Then offer the other side.
Follow up: I use the sprout app to track how long she nurses and it turns out she averaged 45 min sessions, 20-25 min per side.
- Stop supplementing her afterward. If she seems hungry just keep offering her the breast. We could actually be overfeeding her with our supplementation.
Follow up: After knowing she was transferring the right amount of milk, I felt better about not supplementing her. But since we had been doing it for 3 weeks, she was expecting it now. Tanya, the LLL leader, told me to expect her to cry for milk more often and to just keep offering her the breast. It took 3 days for her to adjust to not having the supplementation.
- If I want to collect extra milk, use the Haakaa instead of pumping. Use it sparingly to avoid oversupply. Latch the Haakaa on the open breast while baby is nursing. Then switch sides for both. Best time to use was the first feed in the morning.
Follow up: I bought the Haakaa and was amazed by it! The first time I ever used it, I collected 2 oz of milk which added to the confidence that there was milk for baby. I also loved that I could collect extra milk without spending time pumping or cleaning the pump.
- Baby looks like she may have a lip tie. Contact a specialist to have it checked out.
Follow up: We made the appointment and the doctor confirmed she had a minor lip tie but not bad enough for him to cut or do anything about it. It did explain the painful latches but he said he expects it to get better with time. And it did. After the 8 week mark I felt like my nipples were renewed. It no longer hurt to nurse or latch again.
- It's normal for baby to nurse around the clock. 12-14 sessions a day is normal during the newborn stage. Cluster feeding is also normal, baby could want to nurse back to back.
Follow up: This knowledge provided so much relief. It normalized the number of sessions needed and that her wanting to nurse again quickly after could be a cluster feed and not a sign she was still hungry. The cluster feeding is necessary to build up supply as she grows and needs more.
Week 8 +:
I finally started to get the hang of breastfeeding and that's when it finally felt like "rainbows and butterflies". Instead of being consumed by timing her sessions, having to pump, or worry about how much she's eating: I was able to revel in the bond between her and I. I got to enjoy our special time together.
Since I own my own business, I was able to freely pump whenever I needed to. We use an app called Sprout which allows you to track baby's activities (feeds, diapers, sleep) and sync it with multiple caregivers. I would pump whenever my dad initiated a feed with Emma. It was my way of mimicking her schedule to maintain just enough supply for her. My goal was not having too much or too little.
Month 6 -10:
Once she started eating solids, she also started dropping night feeds. She was still doing 3-4 night feeds per night and it dropped to 2. The reduction in breastfeeding caused my cycle to come back on month 10. I slow went from doing 3 pump sessions at work to 1 session.
Month 11-24:
Emma refused bottles and would no longer drink any expressed milk so I stopped pumping all together. She would still nurse when I returned from work, still had 1-2 night feeds, and would nurse often on my days off. We went to a don't offer, don't refuse policy where I wouldn't offer her any milk but I wouldn't deny her request either. At this point, she could sign "milk" to let me know she wanted to nurse. Around 16 months, she would say "milk now".
Month 25:
I was 4 months pregnant at this time. It was excruciatingly painful to breastfeed for the past few months. The pregnancy hormones make the nipples so tender. I was so tired and nauseous from first trimester that I also started feeling like breastfeeding was draining me. It was the first time I felt drained by our breastfeeding experience. I felt like Emma could sense it as well. I am fairly sure that if I wasn't pregnant we'd still breastfeed a bit longer. Over the course of 1 month, we kept dropping feeds and she would go a day or two without nursing in between until she stopped asking all together. Our beautiful breastfeeding journey came to a close.
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